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That got your attention, didn’t it?
You’ve heard the truism that “two can live as cheaply as
one.” Well, when the one rips into two again, the result is
severe financial damage, if not utter ruin.
This month carries the dubious honor of presiding over more
divorce filings than any other time of year. Couples slog
it out through the Holidays and then with the New Year they
reason that it’s time for a fresh start.
That fresh start goes stale in a hurry. Seldom are couples
that couldn’t live together cooperatively going to go their
separate ways without trying to take a piece of each other.
A friend once related how a large chunk of his childhood
was spent watching his parents sue each other in court for
smaller and smaller slices of their once-considerable
wealth. In the end, the lawyers were laughing all the way
to the bank, and Mom and Dad lived in rented apartments.
Even divorcing on the cheap costs more than many people
realize, especially if children are involved. I know
another couple who resorted to binding arbitration to
settle their custody issues. The wife ended up with 60%
time to the husband’s 40%, which meant that the husband’s
child support payments only needed to cover the time the
kids would be with Mom. That’s a good theory, but in
reality, it’s not like Mom (or Dad, for that matter) can
rent out the kids’ rooms while they’re with the other
parent. Each parent ended up with almost all the expense of
the kids, but with effectively half the income.
Worse, financial stress is most often cited as the chief
reason couples split up in the first place. Talk about
going from the frying pan to the fire!
So, if things are rocky, but you haven’t filed yet, it’s
definitely in your financial interest to try to patch
things up!
- Your spouse is NOT the enemy. There was a time you two promised to take on life’s challenges together. Find a way to unite on the same front!
- Get help. Many churches provide cheap or free counseling. An objective third party can work wonders in digging you out of that argument rut.
- Do more than your “fair share.” Don’t keep count of all the slurs and slights. Concentrate on your own civility and service. You might find the tension drops considerably.
But what if divorce is unavoidable?
- Avoid lawyers! Arbitration, church counseling, even trusted friends might be able to help you work out a fair settlement. Make sure it’s in writing! Nolo Press has some wonderful resources to help you file your own legal documents, including do-it-yourself divorce.
- Think of the kids! They don’t need to see you tear each other up, personally or financially.
- Drastically cut expenses. You’re living in a new, much less privileged, reality.
Divorce is heart and wallet-rending. You have every incentive to keep your marriage strong!