Spousal Cooperation

So, that one who promised to cherish you all your days, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, doesn’t seem to get that you’re entering the “poorer” phase now, and you’re tearing out your hair wondering what to do?

Start with the facts. A little yellow highlighter on those spreadsheets does a lot of good.
Talk about where all the money went last year. Keep your voice even. Portray the expenses as a mutual decision, since they probably were at the time, and there’s no point in bringing in recriminations if they weren’t. We’re going for cooperation, here.
Talk about impending needs. Is the car on its last tires? Is the property tax bill coming up? Are you paying off those credit cards? Where’s that emergency fund?
Talk about your fears. Is your job safe? Is your spouse’s? Can you handle any nasty surprises?
”What should we do about it?” Actively seek advice. The love of your life might also have thought of something you didn’t.
Push, gently but firmly, for agreements to cut spending somewhere, anywhere. Try to come up with a concrete number to save, and how you’ll do it, and how you’ll stick with it. If the number isn’t as high as you’d like, you may have to keep your peace for now and just be glad you’re making some progress. Later, you can push for more.
Check in once in a while, but don’t nag. If your spouse “slips,” ask him/her to make up for the difference in a cut somewhere else. If you’re the one who messes up, be upfront about it, and explain how you’re going to make it up.

No, I don’t know how difficult either your spouse or your situation are. All I know is that you’re both in this together, and need to solve it together. Treat your beloved as the fellow adult in the household. Get out of the role of “overly responsible nag,” or they’ll rebel, even if you’re right.

If your spouse won’t change, don’t give up. He/She will very likely be attracted by the savings you’re achieving, and the breathing-room it’s making for you both. Try to do most of the shopping, so your impulse-buyer isn’t tempted. Plan and make the meals and pack your spouse’s lunch before he/she can go out to eat. It may seem unfair that you’re doing “all” of the work, but what’s really unfair is that you’re 100% responsible for the joint expenses, including all interest and penalties. So do what you have to, and again, curb your resentment and don’t nag. If you want a convert to frugality; you’ve got to go the extra mile.

Be subtle about it, but be sure to mention when you’ve managed to pay off one of the credit cards, or achieve some other important financial milestone. Your spouse will certainly notice that sword not hanging over your heads.

Good luck. And let me know if you’re making any progress. I’ve heard wonderful stories of seemingly die-hard spenders turn completely around. It can happen!